POINTS .

by Harvey James

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04:55
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about

points is very special to me. its about me, and hopefully about others like me.
for queer people. for emotional people. for people with mental illness. for people with too much to say and no one to say it to.
points is for you.

credits

released December 11, 2015

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license

all rights reserved

about

Harvey James Michigan

19 | he/him
knight of all trades, king of none. musician, artist, poet, diviner, writer.

i'm saving up for surgery! purchases are greatly appreciated :)

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Track Name: of dance and sea
i love you in spins and twists and dips and dives
you love me like waves, you say youre out with the tide
i will hide these visions in my head never speak a word
spare you from knowing i will always wait for you to return

i have so much fear
that you will disappear
if i spoke all my love to you
would you vanish, like all good things do?

id make a list of songs we’ve danced
of red strings and avalanche
but if it makes you pity my soul
i dont want you to know i dont want you to know

id tell you all the things ive dreamed
the places i wish you could see
the trains, the hands, the roaring sea,
but not if you would pity me

i sway with you, so slow in my room
you tell me you wont do what you must do
im hardly a dancer, and you hardly a sea
but that never stopped you, and it never stopped me

id make a list of songs we’ve danced
of red strings and avalanche
but if it makes you pity my soul
i dont want you to know i dont want you to know

id tell you all the things ive dreamed
the places i wish you could see
the trains, the hands, the roaring sea,
but not if you would pity me

if its just hoping and doubting dear
ill hope for a million years
dont pity me its how i live
im always chasing and i never win
Track Name: living wrong
oh yes of course they love you
but they just dont understand
how dare you ever rob them of the child that they had
because now that you are asking that they change how they address
you have suddenly mutated, you are nothing like the rest

if you love yourself completely
then why are you saving money
in a jar for the day you can change
if you say this makes you happy
why are you sitting here shaking
i swear we just dont have time for this

just step outside
close your eyes
there are no monsters if you hide
say goodbye
to your pride
to the kind of life they promised you
when they still thought that you could play along
when they thought you could live with living wrong

just pretend that you dont see
what is happening on tv
baggy clothes and eyes on the floor
if you’re lucky enough honey
someone might even touch you
like your skin isnt the sin that you sow
and its gonna hurt more than you know

just step outside
close your eyes
there are no monsters if you hide
say goodbye
to your pride
to the kind of life they promised you
when they still thought that you could play along
when they thought you could live with living wrong

you dress yourself in color and go out for the affair
but among all the others there is fear still in the air
you can claim the loudest colors, but your soul still wants to hide
and even in a sea of deviance you are the biggest lie

just step outside
close your eyes
there are no monsters if you hide
say goodbye
to your pride
to the kind of life they promised you
when they still thought that you could play along
when they thought you could live with living wrong
Track Name: biting my tongue
Ive been biting my tongue
biting it till it bleeds
i dont know how you cant see
the blood it drips and stains the sea
cover your eyes and ears i
dont know if i even blame you
pretending things are not as they seem
as they are
as it was
as you were
i will leave

wake me up when youve had your fun

ive been biting my tongue
and chewing my cheeks to hide your name
its hard to carry on
a boy in a tie, the people a sea
it seems the loud music
never stopped, no one hears this
pretending things are not as they seem
as they are
as it was
as you were
i will leave

wake me up when youve had your fun
when you come back the shore might be gone
and who do you have to lean on?

ive been immobilized
by the fear of speaking my mind
we used to be past this but im
thinking that the peak is over
regress back to our former
never would i loose what ive learned
knowing things are as they seem
as they are
as it was
as you were
i will leave

wake me up when youve had your fun
wake me up when youve had your fun
let me rest, after all this im done
Track Name: small
two choices two lovers carelessly made
from a friendship you loved and a crush you craved
but im not one for contest
this is fine by me

this is not about who’s first and who’s second in line
or how you’d pick him over me anytime
these are two different loves
two different worlds

i know you love me as much as you can
and you know i love you so i understand
in your best interest you
want to love me small

you want me back of your pocket only half of your mind
you want to think of me but never speak your mind
and i dont blame you for
wanting to love me small

he shares all your interests that i dont
hes got things ill never have, i know
but im not too sad,
i know these things happen

time is fleeting and love is a feeling
you acted like i would i know the meaning
wasnt to put us
all here like this

i know you love me as much as you can
and you know i love you so i understand
in your best interest you
want to love me small

you want me back of your pocket only half of your mind
you want to think of me but never speak your mind
and i dont blame you for
wanting to love me small

someday i can hope there will be someone
who can hold all the love i can give out at once
i was told
you can never love too much

but now isnt forever now isnt for real
time isnt linear whats the big deal
the story has ended and it has also just
begun

i know you love me as much as you can
and you know i love you so i understand
in your best interest you
want to love me small

you want me back of your pocket only half of your mind
you want to think of me but never speak your mind
and i dont blame you for
wanting to love me small
Track Name: these chords (...)
this is for that $45 i spent on that second ukulele that wasnt for me
this is for the time i spent excusing it, after all it was meant to be
this is for all of the wounds i thought you could heal if i could only be better
this is for everyone else who’s still braving your bad weather

its so easy to say it will all be ok
but living it’s harder
its so hard to be so weak after all
still trying to claim im a martyr
and i could blame it on what came before
lay all these chords down at your door
tell you that maybe its all your fault
but what good would it do to lie to a liar like you

this is for all the days that i spent by the door when i knew you werent coming
this is for when i told complete strangers that i knew you didnt love me
this is for when i almost died and how funny it was you never would have known
this is for that child who felt so alone

its so easy to say it will all be ok
but living it’s harder
its so hard to be so weak after all
still trying to claim im a martyr
and i could blame it on what came before
lay all these chords down at your door
tell you that maybe its all your fault
but what good would it do hide from a coward like you

this is for the parallels im drawing between the past and the person that ive become
this is for when i thought i wasnt capable of being so insensitive like i am
this is for all the times i have to wake up from the delusion
that all of these people are separate and i have nothing to do with them

its so easy to say it will all be ok
but living it’s harder
its so hard to be so weak after all
still trying to claim im a martyr
and i could blame it on what came before
play these chords til i am sore
tell myself its really my fault
but what good does it do, to torture myself like i do
Track Name: dissonant
i slept til high noon, then stayed up only til it was dark again, i need more friends
how do i look, like someone who isnt in their body, i need a new hobby

i am an expert at falling apart in your arms
better than ever
i am an expert of keeping all my eggs in one basket
what an endeavor

i will love you like what a rain does to a desert
i wont miss you, no what i do is much more sinister

i am in this for the simple pleasures

where have i been, suddenly im back and my body is rotting,,, how kind of me
i would have been fine, too bad im a sucker for symmetry,,, how unlucky can i be

i will love you like what a rain does to a desert
i wont miss you, no what i do is much more sinister

i am in this for the simple pleasures

drowning in clutter, maybe i was meant to go out this way,,, what can i say
give you my words, all of my love compressed onto a page,,, to get you to stay

i will love you like what a rain does to a desert
i wont miss you, no what i do is much more sinister

and after all this im still getting sicker
Track Name: open letter to the aliens
my mother told me that she knows that i will be okay
i guess its just her way of saying she believes in me
but im so afraid of disappointing everyone i know
it only serves to make me doubt myself even more

im concerned that ill stop growing and my mind will stop as well
im concerned that ill stop singing songs to extraterrestrials
that the death of unreality and terror they predict
will really be the death of thinking i have a choice how i live

In the grand scheme of things we are so small
im afraid when i get well i will lose who i was
if there's anybody out there who feels like i do
can you come down and meet me? i promise ill be cool
i know
life sucks
isnt it funny
you'll never know what i see
and you can never share the same with, me

do they have words for nuerodivergencies where] you live?
do they have a sense of respect for the people they are with?
do you ever want to cry until your eyes are red and tired?
can your eyes even do that? ill cry for you if not.

remember the first time you realized truly you're alive?
and do you remember the first time you wanted to extinguish that light?
im afraid of never dying, im afraid to live
what the hell is the point? im sure you dont know why

In the grand scheme of things we are so small
im afraid when i get well i will lose who i was
if theres anybody out there who feels like i do
can you come down and meet me? i promise ill be cool
i know
life sucks
isnt it funny
you'll never know what i see
and you can never share the same with, me

when i took the trash out i stopped to see the stars
its weird how theyre all colored, we just cant perceive them that far
do they really look like rainbows, are they beautiful to you?
do they remind you of the life that burns deep inside of you

In the grand scheme of things we are so small
im afraid when i get older, ill forget to see the stars
if theres anybody out there who feels like i do
can you come down and meet me? i promise ill be cool
i know
life sucks
isnt it scary
how dark the sky can get
if youre alone
if youre afraid
some dumb human loves you
it will be okay
Track Name: witching hour
the call of a train no longer remind me of the time we wanted to die
it only makes me think of a lonely howl growing deep inside
im alive i am breathing its beautiful just to be
im alive i am weeping im feral and still learning
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
its beautiful just to be
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
im feral and im still learning how to
be-e-e-e-e-e-e
ah ah
ah ah

im poor at finding my way when the sun is out of sight
my directions fail me when my crutches fall behind
im afraid i am angry and my heart crashes in time
im afraid i am weeping im wounded but im alive
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
my heart crashes in time
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
im wounded but im alive
toniiiiiiiight
ah ah
ah ah

a witching hour brings me closer to what i should know
im seeking truth so thinly veiled a peace i cannot know
i am feeling i am reckless im heaving under my ribs
i am feeling i am helpless im beginning to understand
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
im heaving under my ribs
ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
im beginning to understand how to
live
ah ah
ah ah
Track Name: the bees
where do the bees go when the winter comes
i think they fly some place far
i dont have solid proof yet but when the snow melts
and they arent there below it, ill know for sure

i think theyre coming back later
they just have to get out of this place
to shove my cold hands under the covers
or press them to your face

how much am i risking, im always risking it all
it seems
dont you think i would have answered
if i know what it means

where do the crickets go when the winter comes
i think theyre deep under the yard
theyre waiting for the thaw to come out
and sing me another song

i think theyre coming back soon dear
dont you fret they just need a break
to turn off the ringer and cry for a while
or to see how much more i can take

how much am i risking, im always risking it all
it seems
dont you think i would have answered
if i know what it means

where do the swallows go when the winter comes
i think theyre out to sea
tying their wiry legs to anchors
paying their tribute to me

id say theyll be back, but im not so sure
by the guesome note that they left
to make the hard choice or to let it
cycle over again

how much am i risking, im always risking it all
it seems
dont you think i would have answered
it i know what it means
Track Name: yellow & blue (take 2!)
highest highs and lowest lows
the ocean biting at your toes
the sky is dimmer than it shows
you already know

a bird flies by it’s golden hue
daisies point you to the view
you may not know you may not see
but it is beautiful just to be

funny, the sun never looked yellow to me

Ill paint you a portrait of yellow and blue
I need you to see the light coming through
Even when you close your eyes youll see it wont you
Im gonna paint the whole damn world yellow and blue for you

the colors that pass you by
mostly mark what makes you cry
the blood, the sick, the dangerous
you already show

and even still its in your hands
the magic light you dont understand
still ebbs and flows from your fingertips
and sings the hymns of the blind and dead

oh, the light you see cradles where you’ve bled

Ill paint you a portrait of yellow and blue
I need you to see the light coming through
Even when you close your eyes youll see it wont you
Im gonna paint the whole damn world yellow and blue for you

fields of grass are oceans too
my eyes the deepest shades of blue
the blood you bleed and feeds your heart
its gold its amber its a new start … its time you start

Ill paint you a portrait of yellow and blue
I need you to see the love coming through
Even when you close your eyes youll see it wont you
Im gonna paint the whole damn world yellow and blue for you